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The Proprietor

 

The son of a Latvian potentate, James M. Palmer knew at an early age that he was destined for greatness.  However, a rare tribble allergy kept him from a promising career in Starfleet, and he was denied membership in the Green Lantern Corps due to his inordinately large knuckles. So James has instead settled on a career in writing because, as Terry Pratchett said, it's indoor work with no heavy lifting.  Losing the use of both eyebrows in a tragic pogo stick accident, James traveled the world, from Timbuktu to Topeka, honing his considerable talents and working in a variety of menial jobs, from a fish monger, to a chili cook in a shelter for homeless mimes.  His rise to stardom began when he became front man and theremin player for the world-renowned goth ska band Hitler Fetish, whose debut album That's Not My Mojo just went platinum.  Nowadays, James routinely battles ignorance and injustice from a vast, subterranean grotto as the cowled, Arkham, Massachusetts vigilante Night Gaunt.  His latest adventure, in which he foiled a neo-Nazi plot to replace the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System with robotic duplicates, won him the Congressional Medal of Honor, the Hugo Award, the Nobel Peace Prize, and the Aquanaut merit badge from the Boy Scouts of America.  James's hobbies include whitewater rafting and building a scale replica of Olympus Mons out of papier-mache in his back yard.  James is currently touring New Hampshire with his one-man show, Orson Welles on Ice.

James, along with his pet telepathic pygmy marmoset Captain Jingles, are available for birthdays and bar mitzvahs.  Call or write for details.

But seriously,

James M. Palmer is a native of Murrayville, Georgia.  He has written articles, essays and reviews for the defunct SciFiNow.com, as well as RevolutionSF.  When not writing creatively, he works as a customer service representative for Sawnee Electric Membership Corporation and as a writer for Agito Consulting.  He has a B.A. in English from North Georgia College and State University.

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